When reality hits hard...

I’ve been attempting to put it into words, both here and in my own head, what I feel about him. The thing I always loved the most about us, about him, was that I could talk to him about anything. Nothing was off-limits, no crazy outburst was too crazy, no ridiculousness distracted him, no irrational fear seemed irrational to him. I think I fell in love with the friendship and then I started to fall in love with him as a man. I wanted our weekend plans to change, I wanted him to march up to his rooftop (if there's any) and shout that he loved me, that he was crazy about me, that he was so happy to be mine. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I still know it won’t. If I could just slow down my feelings, if I could just take a breather and stop wishing and demanding that he feel the same, I wont feel so awful right now. If I could just relax and be that carefree, easy-going woman that guys fell for, then maybe I’d have a shot at holding the prized title that so many women are eyeing by blowing up his Cellphone and Facebook. I could have the opportunity to be The One. Yes, I’m stuck in dreamland, lingering on some hopeless prayer that maybe someday he'll be mine.

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