After 24 years of avoiding, denying and this is the first time that I'll talk about this thing which I think has always been there. Just hiding in its own shadows. Sitting silently in the corner. Waiting for a chance when I'm most vulnerable. Breathing down my neck. Whispering things in my ears. Dark thoughts that makes me physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I'm scared of myself, of what I'm capable of doing to myself. If let it consume me - it would be my easy way out. I can't explain it why do I feel so much? I was raised by a happy family and yet I see things differently and feel so awful. What's wrong with me? What happens if I let it consume me? I'm scared of myself.

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