I know you have so much to say to him but there's no point. He's not coming back even if you tell him you love him so much. You can't change his mind by telling him that you're hurting and you don't know where to start. He left for a reason. He's happy now. That's what you want in the first place. Remember, you even told him that it doesn't matter if you're not in his life anymore as long as he's happy. Cry a river if you have to. Just cry. Let it all out. Cry yourself to sleep. Write it down. Write down your thoughts, your pain. It's gonna get better, I swear. It may not be today but it will. One day, you'll be able to talk to him without crying. You'll smile again. Not the fake one that you wear everyday but a genuine smile. You've been sleeping and waking up with the same heavy feeling for God knows how long. I think you deserved a break. A chance to feel happy. I know, I know. You don't believe in that anymore. That sounds impossible. I know you've been through so much. You've given too much love and you've lose part of yourself to those people but trust me you will be happy.