I'm trying hard here but I keep getting sucked into this hellhole. I want to hear his voice again but I don't think I should contact him - ever. I should stay away from him and let him be happy. Let him love someone. I wonder if I ever crossed his mind?  I wonder if I keep him up at night thinking about what could happen if we're still fighting for us.

Here I am in my room drinking this cheap wine and crying my eyes out. No matter what I do I keep gong back to our past, to our memories and I can't seem to escape.